


But your great sadness will join the stars, a new star to wound and outshine the skies.

by fickle_minded_heart



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, non-con Xanatos/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-16 07:39:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10566690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fickle_minded_heart/pseuds/fickle_minded_heart
Summary: He's headstrong....and he has much to learn about the living Force, but he is capable. There is little more he will learn from me.





	1. Chapter 1

_He's headstrong....and he has much to learn about the living Force, but he is capable. There is little more he will learn from me._

The last words that Qui-Gon had said to Obi-Wan outside of the council chambers: “I have to go back to Anakin, he needs me. “  
And for just one instant Qui-Gon saw in the newly knighted the thirteen years old boy full of fears and insecurity, full of doubts and despair.

 

Yoda had tried to reason with the Jedi Master, make him see the mistake he was making, Obi-Wan wasn’t ready, Obi-Wan had much to learn still. But the Jedi master didn’t listen, enamored as he was with the strength in the force of the former slave child, Anakin needed him, Anakin needed a master to guide him, to teach him.

* * *

 

  
There’s a saying withing the order: on a knight’s first mission, everything that can go wrong will go wrong.  
Obi-Wan thought about in over and over, almost like a mantra, the repetition of words on his mind a distraction from his current predicament. His hands tied over his head, the pain on his shoulders unbearable, the cold everywhere on his naked skin, he had been shaking uncontrollably, but that stopped ten minutes ago, the young man remembers that is actually a bad thing, the body doesn't’ have the energy to waste, his body is shutting down.

 

His jailer is back to the room, he’s talking to someone, although the young knight hasn’t seen anyone else in the room, and can’t concentrate on the words. The access to the force is impossible thanks to the collar that he has on his neck, the sleepiness is the worst, the call is really strong, and to be honest he doesn't’ want to resist, even when he knows what that will mean.

 

Taking a deep breath, he tries to focus on the voice, on the words.  
“Nice of you to finally show master,” the male voice says in a haughty voice “Has your new padawan been running you ragged?”  
“Xanatos!”  
At the sound of the Jedi master's voice, Obi-Wan’s heart skips a beat, he’s humiliated, he managed to disappoint his master once again.  
“So there I was minding my business," the man said ignoring the Jedi master "exploiting this tiny world, and then I get word that there’s a Jedi investigating the situation, and lo and behold, if it isn’t my baby brother Obi-Wan” he sais this with a sneer, grabbing the young knight’s hair to show his beaten face and patting his cheek “He did grow up to be quite the looker, I know he’s not in the best of conditions right now, but he’s still beautiful, beautiful and broken” a bright smile that shows perfect teeth “don’t you think master?” a fake laugh" of course you do, you've been fucking him since he was what?  fifteen, sixteen, -ish? says Xanatos.

 

The hands that run through his skin are cold and clammy, and they leave in the knight a sense of disgust, he can’t stand to be touched by him, he wants to scream at him to stop, he wants to ask his master for help. _‘Please, please, please help me, master, please Qui-Gon’_. But the hands don’t stop on his journey downwards, fingers running on the cleft of his glutes, touching him in an intimate and unwanted way. The knight can feel bile rising to his mouth. He tries to move, to dislodge the hands from his body, but it’s useless, he can't feel his arms or legs.  
He can feel then, the body heat of Xanatos close to his back, lips kissing the back of his neck. Then the pressure against his anus, it hurts, he’s numb all over, but this hurts. The sound of Xanatos breathing as he rapes him is loud, and he can hear the tinny sounds of a wounded animal, it’s a shock to realize it’s him, he can also hear Qui-Gon’s voice, tho the words are incomprehensible, he would prefer if they had ended the transmission, or left the room, if the high council didn’t saw him like this, if Qui-Gon...

 

Xanatos wants to give a good show to the council and his ex-master, so it last forever, afterward, the man runs his hands over the knight's hair and in a sweet voice says: “any last words Obi?” Xanatos turns his head at the correct angle, so he can finally see them, there he can see his master, tall and proud, he can see Mace Windu, full of anger and impotence, Master Koon with his infinite compassion showing on his face, and lastly master Yoda, he looks so sad, “oh!” he says ‘they care about me’ thinks the knight.

 

“Xanatos, please don’t do this”, master Qui-Gon says, his voice cracking.  
“Well master, it’s not my fault really, he had _so much_ to learn still, maybe you should have trained him better” a careless shrug.  
The vibroblade cuts perfectly through  Obi-Wan’s heart, and after a heartbeat he can feel the force around him, holding him, cradling him like a child.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Xanatos alluded to an underage relationship. That's not true as Obi-Wan was over the age of consent when it started. A relationship between a master and padawan, however, is forbidden by the council.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _”I loved him Mace, I still do”_

There’s a note on the preservation coffin.

  
_For my master._  
_-Xanatos._

The body of the young knight lies within, small, and pale, with dried blood covering much of his naked body. Mace Windu knows that sending the body to the temple it’s just one way that Xanatos has designed to torment Qui-Gon, but it’s grateful none the less that they can give Obi-Wan the last rituals as a member of the Jedi order.

* * *

 

The second that the vibroblade left the young knight's chest, Qui-Gon could feel the sadness in the force, a favorite child had died, and the wasted potential was more that the galaxy could possible fantom.

“Goodbye master,” said Xanatos, ending the transmission.

The silence was deafening in the room, and it lasted what seemed like hours. At last, it was Mace who spoke first. “Qui-Gon you are dismissed”. The words were full of sadness and the Jedi master remembers how much his old friend was fond of Obi-Wan, the entire council was fond of him, with his charm, kindness, and wit. The old master hears the words but makes no sense, his legs are rooted to the spot, he can’t move, he can’t breathe. “Leave, Qui-Gon,” says master Yoda, at that, he turns to catch the other’s eyes, but the old master is looking down, looking around the members of the council, the Jedi master realize they’re all avoiding his gaze. The fist step is hard, it feels like he’s going to collapse, but he concentrates on putting one foot in front of the other until he’s out of the chamber.

“A team must be sent immediately to track Xanatos and bring him to justice,” Mace says.

“Also an investigation must begin pertaining the behavior of master Qui-Gon Jinn and the exact nature of his relationship with Obi-Wan Kenobi. Says Depa Billaba, the entire council agrees on both matters, and with that, they end the session, they know they all need some time to meditate, to grieve.

* * *

 

  
_“He had so much to learn still, maybe you should have trained him better”..._

 _“He had so much to learn still”, “he had so much to learn still”, “he had so much to learn still”_ Did he?, did I made a mistake? is it my fault that Obi-Wan is dead?

One inside his room, he can hear Anakin starting to talk, about his classes and the disgusting food they served on the refectory. The child’s mouth seems never to stop. “Go to your room Anakin”, said the Jedi master, but the child continues with his tale.  
“Anakin!, go to your room”. At that, the child stopped talking.  
“Are you ok, Qui-Gon sir?” _“you don’t have to call me master, Qui-Gon is fine if it’s just us”_ he remembers saying that to the child, the fact that he was an ex-slave made the word master have bad connotations. He also remembers Obi-Wan eyes on him, the disapproval. _“How is he suppose to accustom to our ways if you keep making exceptions for him, master?”_  
Go to your room Anakin, please”

  
This is not how things were supposed to be, they were equals now, not longer need to hide his relationship, bound to the code and the master-apprentice rules. The braid… Where is it? he needs to find it, needs to…

Going directly to his room, he looks at the container that is all that remains of Obi-Wan Kenobi’s life. He remembers being outside the council’s chambers after the knighting, he remembers Obi-Wan in front of him, holding his braid in his left hand.

 _“Master?”_ He had said.  
_“I have to go back to Anakin, he needs me."_ I need to see how his first class went, if he found his way home, how he was treated by his peers.

He forgot about tradition, a Jedi Master always invites his former student to celebrate, a tea ceremony for just the two, the student then gives the master his braid, if it is deserved, as a show of gratitude for his teachings”.

Sitting on his bed, he pulls the container close, removing the top he looks inside. The box contains clothes, civilian garments a pair of boots and a cold weather robe. There, nestled in the robe he finds a second container , opening the small box, he finds a pressed dry leave, a lock of pale blond hair tied with a purple ribbon, and two small holograms, one with his clan and the second, an image of Obi-Wan, Garen and Bant, Bant’s arms are trapping him in a hug and his smile is radiant. There’s not braid.

* * *

  
‘He looks defeated’ was the first thought that crossed Mace Windu’s mind.  
“Qui-Gon”  
“Mace” his voice was devoid of any emotion, he could see young Skywalker silent and confused on the living room. He was not invited in.  
“The funerals for Obi-Wan are to be held tomorrow at dawn, you are welcome to assist, although Master Yoda will conduct the ceremony.” said Master Windu, ‘an honor you do not deserve’ was left unsaid “padawans Eerin, and Muln will be preparing the body this the evening,” he turned to leave. “There’s going to be an investigation Qui-Gon, and I’m afraid of what we’re going to find.”

* * *

  
“I can’t believe we are actually doing this” murmured master Yareael Poof to master Gallia “it’s obvious that Xanatos was lying about an illicit relationship between Qui-Gon and his padawan, and we’re just wasting our time”  
“We’ll see”, said master Gallia. “Master Qui-Gon Jinn, you’re before this committee to answer some questions about the master-padawan relationship you had with deceased Jedi knight Obi-Wan Kenobi while he was under your care, and to eliminate all suspicions about the honorability of your name and state as master.”  
“Yes masters,” said Qui-Gon.  
“It’s well known that you took a nine years old boy as your padawan even when he was not raised in the Jedi ways and against the wishes of the high council.” said the tholothian in a cool voice, “padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi, your padawan at the time disagreed with you, as he considered the boy to be dangerous,” continue the master “even when he said he was ready fo face the trials the Jedi council didn’t agree, and opinions about you rushing his knighting have been made confirmed by the fact that he failed his first ever mission as a knight, resulting in his death”.  
“He was ready, he passed the trials,” said the master.  
“You put him in a position wich made it impossible to refuse, either he faced the trials, or he was disgraced in front of the council and was sent to one of the corps.” Said Master Gallia. “You said, and I’m quoting: he’s capable. Is that all that is required for a padawan to be raised as a knight, master Jinn? To be _capable_?” When the master said nothing, the female master continues. “Did you had a sexual relationship with your padawan?”  
Master Poof turns sharply to look at master Gallia.  
“Yes” Was all the master said. “Yes, I did” The Jedi master was looking at the garden outside the transparisteel, he couldn’t stand to look at the disgust on their faces.

 

* * *

 

“They have recommended to remove Skywalker from your care and to send you to a rim planet,” said Mace. “I’m not sure if I disagree with the punishment”  
“Maybe you should take him away from me, it looks my only legacy is death,” a long pause ”I loved him Mace, I still do” replied Qui-Gon.  
It was in that moment that the council member realizes the infinite guilt that the other man was suffering, to loose the one you love in such way and be scorned and be ostracized by many of the Jedi order was punishment enough.  
“I knew you had developed a life bond, Qui-Gon, but the rules are there for the protection of both padawan and master.”  
“I know Mace, I know I did a great disservice to Obi-Wan, maybe he wasn’t ready to face the trials, and it’s my fault he...”

* * *

 

“It’s the decision of the high council to allow you to continue the training of padawan Skywalker, with the condition that you attend to meetings with a soul healer for as long as it’s recommended. Your training of the boy will be under the direct supervision of Master Yoda, you will also be asked to report to the council about your progress on his training.” Said Mace Windu, the council seemed divided on the topic, many were not willing to forgive such a breach to the code. “That is all, good luck master Jinn, may the force be with you.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I can see the insecure padawan in his words, asking for approval, begging for kind words. ‘I did this to him,’ I think._

The caves are dark and his first priority is to keep Ahsoka safe, find some warmth, the coldness that fills the place is unbearable, the force is strange in this place, so different from Ilum, and yet, so similar.

“Go to sleep, Ahsoka, I’ll take first guard” The togruta looked unhappy about the situation, the fact that his master could be in danger was worrisome, but the practical side of her, also knew the importance of rest, as we don’t know what the future holds for us in this place.

 

The sound of her deep breathing told me she sleeps the instant she lays down, I use my robe to protect her from the cold and allow myself to sink in a light meditation, searching answers in the force.

The sound of a child’s laugh startles me, and as I open my eyes I see him, standing in front of, me, a five years old child, his big eyes shine with mischief.

“Who are you?”

“Initiate Obi-Wan Kenobi, ” the boy says bowing.

I’m startled, but I can see now, particularly, when he smiles and a dimple appears on his left cheek. I know that smile and those eyes. My eyes drink the sight of this apparition, and the boy looks back, curious about me as I am of him, but soon, the boy turns as if someone is calling him, and starts running, “wait! ” I beg, but he only turns to wave at me, and soon is gone. I stand and consider going after him, but the need to look after Ahsoka stops me.

 

“Master?” The boy that looks at me, is now a padawan, my padawan, he has only one bead on his short braid, he must be thirteen years old.

“Obi-Wan?”

“What are we doing here master?”, the boy looks confused, but not afraid, secure in the fact that if there is danger, we will face it together, his eyes turn to look at Ahsoka.

“Do you know where we are, padawan?” I ask, and his eyes look back at me.

“Mortis” he answers instantly and then looks confused at the fact that he knows the answer.

“Master? he says again, but his voice sounds overlapped, two voices coming from different places, from two different people, the boy turns to the sound of the other voice, and I do the same, I see now an older Obi-Wan,  still a padawan, but close to the age of his knighting, he looks at me with love and wonder, his eyes betraying his emotions, he reaches for me, but the image disappears.

 

‘Come back, I think, I beg, please let me see you one more time’. It’s impossible to judge the passing of time in this place, but it feels like an eternity before I hear his voice.

“Hello master” this Obi-Wan looks sad, I see no braid, this is just before I lost him, I realize how strong the emotions of my padawan show in this place.

“Obi-Wan” he looks at my grand padawan, and turns his head to the side, in the same way he did when he was trying to work something out.

“What is it?” I ask.

“I wonder if the curse applies to her,” he says in a small voice, as if afraid to wake her. He will be gone if she does, I realize.

“What curse?” I ask, also in a whisper.

“Attachment, that is the curse of your padawans' master, you must have realized this by now,” he says “Xanatos attachment to his past ant the power he craved, Anakin’s attachment to the Naboo senator, and me…”

“You?” I ask.

“My love for you. The fear of losing you, I killed the sith, but I came close to the dark, that’s why I was so afraid to… that’s why I didn’t felt ready... that’s why I died” he says the last in a whisper.

“It’s my fault you died,” I say, my voice cracking.

“It’s Xanatos fault I died, master,” he says looking at me, “and mine, I should have…” he looks pensive, at that, wondering all the paths that could have been taken.

“I’m sorry” I insist, I need his forgiveness, even if I know I don’t deserve it.

“I...” he says, he sounds so sad. He turns his head to the left, like before, he can hear something calling.

“Wait!” I say, “where’s the braid?”

“The braid?” he asks sounding confused but distracted at the same time, I don’t hold his complete attention.

“Your padawan braid” I clarify.

“Oh!,” he says, “I buried it, you didn’t want it, so I buried it under that crooked tree I loved so much,” he says.

“In the room of a thousand fountains?” I ask, to be sure.

“Why the obsession with the braid master?” he wonders but his attention is elsewhere, I’m losing him.

“Don’t leave me” I beg.

“I won’t,” he says, but turns to the sound that only he can hear.

“Please, Obi-Wan, don’t leave me.” I sink to my knees, he turns to me again.

“Silly old master” he rolls his eyes, and kneels in front of me “I’m always with you, Qui-Gon,” he says, his smile is kind, “I’m always here,” he says pointing at my chest, at my heart. He’s close to me now, I could touch him if I wanted, but I’m afraid to break the illusion. He lifts his hand, and his fingertips grace my right cheek, I feel all the love he has for me. I lift my hand to touch his beautiful face, but he vanishes.

 

He walks to me, and I can see it’s him, but he looks different, older, confident in his posture and movements, a beard covering his face and pieces of armor protecting his chest and forearms.

“Qui-Gon?” he says, he looks surprised to see me but happy.

“I did what you asked me,” he says, “I trained Anakin” I can see the insecure padawan in his words, asking for approval, begging for kind words. ‘I did this to him,’ I think. He kneels in front of me, but the distance is bigger, I want to move, shift closer to this man that is, and isn’t the man I love. He looks at me as if trying to memorize me, his eyes traveling the way down my nose, as if he wants to preserve this moment. I don’t know what to say.

“I don’t know how successful I was at it, tho,” he continues, “so much anger in him, sometimes” he waits for my reply.

“Please say something Qui-Gon” he begs.

“I love you,” it’s the first thing that comes to my mind, so I say it.

“I love you too,” he replies, “and I miss you,” he says after a beat, “I miss you every second of every day”.

“I’m here,” I say, repeating his words back to him, pointing at his chest, but in my mind, I see my Obi-Wan, tied up and bleeding, dying a galaxy away from me. The man in front of me smiles and that chases the awful image away, we continue to stare at one another, trying to memorize each hair, each line, each breath. He smiles again and then is gone.

 

The old man that appears in front of me looks to be meditating, he feels calm, the force flows around him in even, happy movements. A master Jedi, capable of destroying lives, but with the kindness of someone who prefer not to, full of knowledge and power.

Opening his eyes, he looks directly at me: “The universe is in darkness now” he says, sounding tired, “but there is hope” the force around him agrees.

 

Back in the temple, the first thing I do after I leave the ship is to go directly to the room of a thousand fountains, to go to that crooked tree that my padawan seemed to love so, I haven't been back to this room since Naboo. It has its charms, one can only assume.

 _“I don’t understand why you like it so much, padawan,”_ I said to him once, I was trying to locate him because we had a mission, and was certain he was bound to be here,  I was right, the young boy was meditating under it, I sat down by his side under the tree's shadow.

 _“It reminds me of you nose master,”_   he said, opening one eye to see my reaction, his smile was full of mischief, he took a deep breath, closing his eyes again, his face went back to a placid expression. The force felt strong around him, swirling in happiness at the fact that the boy was happy, the leaves seem to move as it by a breeze with the intensity of the force.

I sit under that ugly, beautiful tree now, trying to feel Obi-Wan. I still don’t know what my padawan saw in it, or me, for that matter, but there I can feel a slight presence, a residue of his force signature. A leave falls from the tree to rest on my head, I hold it in my hands and feel a little less alone.

* * *

 

 

Epilogue

 

After the loss of his brothers and sister, after the betray of Anakin, it would be impossible to survive. But he did, having felt the irredeemable loss of Obi-Wan all those years ago. With his lightsaber and the dried leaf the only reminders of that life.

 

The years in the deserts of Tatooine had not been kind to the old master, but it’s also obvious that Darth Vader has lost much of his ability. ‘Just keep him distracted, just long enough so Luke can escape’.

 

“Look at you, Qui-Gon, you’re pathetic, a disgrace for the Jedi, my old master,” says the sith.

 _“Maybe you should take him away from me, it looks my only legacy is death”_ . ‘I was right, after all, my only legacy is death...' no, _‘there’s hope’_. Obi-Wan's voice.

 

 _‘I’m always with you Qui-Gon’_   the image is perfectly clear, Obi-Wan, the beautiful padawan he fell in love with, the young boy,  the old, wise man, the accomplished general he never got a chance to be. The sith stutters in his movements, he can feel something in the force, but can’t be sure of what it happening.

Knowing it is time, Qui-Gon lifts his saber to his side, and smiles, death comes swiftly.

  
_‘...Obi-Wan’._


End file.
